Sweet Memories

[Sorry in advance - this is going to be long!] I have all these conflicting emotions right now.   I'm happy and I'm sad.  I'm grateful that last week is over, and yet that means I have to move on and go back to normal life.  Everything is just strange right now. Frankly, last Saturday and Sunday were not the best days I have ever had.  They are kind of blurry and unreal.  But I wanted to write down some of the amazing things that happened last week that I am grateful for.  I don't want to forget.  And, true to form, it's going to be a list! *First, I cannot believe the outpouring of love and support that my family got.  Whether it was neighbors bringing over food, people stopping by, the hundreds of emails and phone calls, people being willing to watch my kids at a moments notice so we could go to Utah, in-laws who were willing to do whatever we needed to help make our road easier, a friend I haven't seen in 9 years coming to support us at the memorial service, the hugs, lunch from the ward and from our family after the funeral and memorial, my ward bringing dinner, the shared tears . . . the list could go on and on.  It was overwhelming and amazing.  I am so grateful for everyone who showed their love and support last week. *On Monday, Mom and Jeff put together a large picture frame full of pictures of Dad.  Kelsey and Mary were fascinated by it.  It was very bittersweet to see my little daughter go up to each picture, and for the first time, say "Papa" in an excited tone of voice.  I'm grateful she got to know him, at least for a little while. *Emily had a little angel necklace that she was wearing.  At one point, the angel broke off.  Jon was going to try to fix it, but Emily wanted us to give it to Grandpa.  We took it to Utah with us, and put it on his casket.  I'm grateful that my kids adored their Grandpa. *At the funeral, there was a sign it book.  My kids all wanted to sign.  Instead of writing "Robbie", my son signed "Robert" for no apparent reason.  I am grateful that my kids will carry on a part of my Dad. *As a family, we had a chance to go see my Dad at the funeral home.  We weren't going to take Adam because we thought he was too young.  But he really wanted to go.  We thought he might be scared, but he wasn't.  In fact, the day of the funeral, he wanted to see him again.  I am grateful for the bond that Adam and Dad had, and that it seems that bond continues even after death. *At the funeral, my amazing in-laws took care of my kids.  But, Robbie came and sat with me.  It was such a sweet experience to have my son by my side.  He would look up at me, wink and squeeze my hand.  I leaned my head on his head and was sad.  I am so grateful for the amazing kids that I have and the strength that they give me. *Dad had more friends come and say goodbye that I even thought possible.  We haven't lived in Utah for 16 years now.  Yet, we probably had 75 people come to the memorial.  These were people who knew and loved Dad.  At the funeral, we had about 400 people.  I am so grateful for friends, and that friendship is something that can endure time and distance. *In a tribute to Dad, we ate our way through Utah.  My Dad loved food, and all our trips to Utah involved outings to Sizzler, Atlantis Burger, Neisens Frozen Custard, Paces Dairy Ann and a Chinese place I can't remember the name of.  We were pretty sick by the time we left!  I am so grateful for memories and family traditions that we can carry on! *On Wednesday night, Jon and I went down to Temple Square.  We walked up to see the Christus.  It was such a sweet experience.  I sat and looked at the Savior, and I KNEW that my Dad was still alive.  I am so grateful for the atonement, and that through Jesus, we will all be together again.  As Jon and I walked around, he pointed out that this could have been a testimony shaking thing.  But it has not been.  I am so thankful that we have the comfort of the gospel. *After the memorial service in Utah, my Dad's cousin had all the family over for lunch.  I don't know most of my Utah relatives very well, as we moved when I was 15.  But, I love them!  They are absolutely amazing!  They taught us the Dutch Birthday song (Lang Zal Ze Leven) and let us eat Dutch New Years Bread (Ollie Bollen).  We sang "There Were 3 Jolly Fisherman" which Dad loved.  Uncle Wayne (my grandpa's brother in law) told us jokes.  It was so nice to be with them.  I am grateful for extended family who took care of us and loved us, despite not seeing us in a while. *We went up to the cabin for a few hours.  In the spring, as the snow melts, a very cold stream forms.  It dries up in a few months, but when it's running we always put a watermelon in, let it get really cold, and then eat watermelon and have seed spitting contests.  So, we did.  Jeff, somehow, kept hitting me.  I'm sure it wasn't on purpose . . .  I'm so grateful for places that we love. *I spent the entire week with my family.  I thought I might be a little overloaded, because after the wedding two weeks prior, I was ready for a break.  But it wasn't.  I felt such strength and comfort being with them.  They are all amazing.  I don't know how I could have done this last week without them.  And they had to put up with me for a whole week, so kudos to them!  I am so thankful for my family and that we can be together forever. So, that's it.  I don't know if I'll write much more of what is going on in my head.  I'm sure there will be good days and there will be bad days.  But I need to start moving forward.  That is what Dad would want.   I'll carry all my good memories with me, and I'll try to teach my kids the traditions that my Dad loved.  So, ONWARD!  Thank you to everyone who touched my life last week!  I love you all!